coffee

a fresh cup of coffee from a time when I was out of my regular world (NYC BABY) 

I'm sitting here on a slightly cool Saturday afternoon, after sleeping half the day (oops), writing to you in an emotion I can't quite pinpoint. As I try to pinpoint whatever I'm feeling, I can say that I just attempted to finish an old cup of coffee. I had to heat it up in the microwave, and you coffee lovers know how it's not the same. Nothing is like a fresh cup of coffee. I'm not even trying to make some impressive comparison, but I feel like sometimes my world is an old cup of coffee. Going through the same routine, my energy that was once there is gone. When I try to rekindle that happiness & energy, it just isn't the same. Is that what happens to people? We have this drive and hope that slowly strays from its initial freshness. Do people get tired of the world around them just like they get tired of their coffee? I want a fresh cup of coffee. I go through the motions if my world, trying to drink that cup of coffee that has been sitting out for far too long. I see the same people, hear the same criticism, deal with the same drama, go the same places, get sick of people as they get sick of me, and hope for something bigger than this bubble I live in. I want to do things that are beyond what I can believe in myself right now. I want to be something people believe in. I want to BE that fresh cup of coffee for someone. I want to be that hope for someone one day who feels like me right now. I want to be able to say that it gets better, that hard work pays off, or that the pain is worth it in the end because you get farther than you've ever been able to dream, but it's hard to say that when I'm trying to live in a world where people don't even like coffee.

or maybe I just sound like some insane coffee addict, which may or may not be valid ;) 

always love for you babes,

love ella